A Proper Ranking of All 169 Episodes of Seinfeld

Want to know how to totally undercut any chance of being productive on this Friday? Well here you go, a comprehensive ranking of every Seinfeld episode ever. While I personally feel The Merv Griffin Show and The Pool Guy are hard done by here, it's still tough to argue with the breakdown provided incredulously by Vulture. Enjoy...

At long last, you can clear all those syndicated Seinfeld episodes off your DVR. Following years of speculation about when and where the historic sitcom would arrive online, today it finally became available to stream on Hulu. But with 169* episodes in the Seinfeld archive, it's understandable if you're intimidated by the the idea of entering the vault without a guide.

 In the interest of both helping novices prioritize and reminding veterans about forgotten jewels, we've ranked every episode in the series from worst to best. The ratings are based less on cultural significance — you'll find many recognizable episodes fairly low on the list — and more on the density and quality of jokes, the inclusion of multiple strong narrative arcs, and, to a lesser extent, how well the comedy and stories have aged.

 That said, even the worst (well, maybe the fourth-worst) episode of Seinfeld is better than most of what you'll currently find on network TV — and now it's just a Hulu account away. The bingeing is going to be real, and it's going to be spectacular.

 *We arrived at a count of 169** by considering all two-part and hour-long episodes as single entries. We also omitted the retrospective. With every episode now available on-demand, why waste time watching highlights?

 ** Correction: This ranking initially included only 168 episodes. The 169th (No. 58) has since been added and the ranking adjusted.

 169. "The Puerto Rican Day Parade" (Season 9). An episode so racially offensive that NBC had to apologize upon its airing, the second-greatest crime that "The Puerto Rican Day Parade" commits is simply not being funny enough. It's the loosest version of a bottle episode to come out of the writers' room — and of all the bottle episodes in Seinfeld's run, it's the dullest, full stop.

 168. "The Outing" (Season 4). After four seasons spent using George's homophobia as a character flaw, the show wholeheartedly embraces gay panic as a plot device to a nonsensical, largely unfunny degree. The phrase "Not that there's anything wrong with that" ascends to pop-culture permanency after a practical joke played by Elaine causes a college newspaper reporter to mistake George and Jerry as lovers.

 167. "The Finale" (Season 9). Is the final episode of Seinfeld really that bad? They get what they deserve! It's a long time coming! Symbolically, it's perfect! But upon rewatching, you realize that, yeah, it is that bad. Not even the minor revelation that George cheated during "The Contest" can save what is an uninspired parade of guest stars and forgotten characters. The final scene's callback to Seinfeld's first episode is a cute touch, but it's not enough to save "The Finale"'s reputation as one of Seinfeld's lowest points.

 Enjoy the rest of the list HERE.

"Timeless Wisdom" With Larry David

The Greatest Seinfeld Back and Forth EVER

George: I'm sorry. I can't live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who is he?

Jerry: He's somebody.n

George: What about me?

Jerry: You're nobody.

George: Why him? Why not me?

Jerry: He's good, you're not.

George: I'm better than him.

Jerry: You're worse, much much worse.

Festivus Losing It's Integrity Says FriendFeed

Courtesy of the Los Angeles Times....

Has Festivus become too much for the rest of us?
Fans of the faux holiday, which became famous on an episode of 'Seinfeld' 11 years ago, worry that it's becoming too commercial.
By Jessica Guynn

Reporting from San Francisco -- The merry band of entrepreneurs behind FriendFeed transformed the online service into "FestivusFeed" last year to celebrate the faux Christmastime holiday that became famous on an episode of "Seinfeld."

Instead of posting comments, FriendFeed users were invited to air grievances. So, in the spirit of the season, FriendFeed founder Paul Buchheit griped: "Festivus is being co-opted by profit-seeking corporations, and we're losing the true spirit of the holiday."

With FriendFeed exploiting Festivus to promote itself, "the comment was, of course, meant to be ironic," Buchheit said Wednesday.

But are corporate grinches really out to steal Festivus? The anti-holiday is starting to look a bit like, well, Christmas.

In the seminal Seinfeld show 11 years ago, George Costanza's father, Frank, tells Kramer he invented the holiday when he found himself battling for a doll with another Christmas shopper and coined the slogan "A Festivus for the rest of us."

It's marked each year on Dec. 23 with an aluminum pole instead of a tree, and celebrants air grievances and compete in feats of strength instead of exchanging gifts. The holiday ends when the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned.

The "Seinfeld" writer who introduced Festivus to the masses was Dan O'Keefe, whose father came up with the holiday in the mid-1960s. The story line had the staying power of "yada yada yada," "not that there is anything wrong with that" and other uniquely Seinfeldian observances. It gained a loyal following on YouTube and in ritual celebrations in businesses and homes across the country because it's Spartan, secular and just plain silly.

But it also picked up a new sidekick: corporate America.

The television gag has turned into the marketing gimmick that keeps on giving for Milwaukee's Wagner Cos., which sells six-foot Festivus poles for $39 plus shipping. Journalist Allen Salkin cashed in with his book, "Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us," while O'Keefe contributed "The Real Festivus."

The Grape Ranch vineyard in Oklahoma makes Festivus wine. Other kitschy merchandise includes greeting cards, T-shirts, recipes ("Ham with Junior Mint and Snapple glaze") and songs ("Gather 'Round the Pole" and "Oh Festivus").

At least Ben & Jerry's produced only a limited edition of its "Festivus" flavor: brown sugar cinnamon ice cream loaded with gingerbread cookies and a ginger caramel swirl.

All that merchandising has some folks complaining that the true meaning of the holiest day on the Seinfeld calendar is being lost.

"When I air my grievances this year, they're all about how commercial Festivus has become," said Wil Wheaton, the actor who portrayed Wesley Crusher on the television series "Star Trek: The Next Generation."

"And don't even get me started on the new 'designer' aluminum poles," he added.

Shannon Hurst Lane, 35, who hails from Zachary, outside Baton Rouge, La., agreed.

"You would think that Festivus would be anticommercial," she said.

Lane and her fellow bloggers behind TravelingMamas.com celebrated in their own way. They threw a "13 Days of Festivus Giveaway" to give readers the chance to air their grievances about the travel industry and win products that companies had sent to the bloggers in hopes of favorable reviews.

In fielding questions from Washington Post readers, O'Keefe scoffed at the notion that Festivus has become too commercial.

"I don't know you can commercialize something so ridiculous," he said.