A Proper Ranking of All 169 Episodes of Seinfeld

Want to know how to totally undercut any chance of being productive on this Friday? Well here you go, a comprehensive ranking of every Seinfeld episode ever. While I personally feel The Merv Griffin Show and The Pool Guy are hard done by here, it's still tough to argue with the breakdown provided incredulously by Vulture. Enjoy...

At long last, you can clear all those syndicated Seinfeld episodes off your DVR. Following years of speculation about when and where the historic sitcom would arrive online, today it finally became available to stream on Hulu. But with 169* episodes in the Seinfeld archive, it's understandable if you're intimidated by the the idea of entering the vault without a guide.

 In the interest of both helping novices prioritize and reminding veterans about forgotten jewels, we've ranked every episode in the series from worst to best. The ratings are based less on cultural significance — you'll find many recognizable episodes fairly low on the list — and more on the density and quality of jokes, the inclusion of multiple strong narrative arcs, and, to a lesser extent, how well the comedy and stories have aged.

 That said, even the worst (well, maybe the fourth-worst) episode of Seinfeld is better than most of what you'll currently find on network TV — and now it's just a Hulu account away. The bingeing is going to be real, and it's going to be spectacular.

 *We arrived at a count of 169** by considering all two-part and hour-long episodes as single entries. We also omitted the retrospective. With every episode now available on-demand, why waste time watching highlights?

 ** Correction: This ranking initially included only 168 episodes. The 169th (No. 58) has since been added and the ranking adjusted.

 169. "The Puerto Rican Day Parade" (Season 9). An episode so racially offensive that NBC had to apologize upon its airing, the second-greatest crime that "The Puerto Rican Day Parade" commits is simply not being funny enough. It's the loosest version of a bottle episode to come out of the writers' room — and of all the bottle episodes in Seinfeld's run, it's the dullest, full stop.

 168. "The Outing" (Season 4). After four seasons spent using George's homophobia as a character flaw, the show wholeheartedly embraces gay panic as a plot device to a nonsensical, largely unfunny degree. The phrase "Not that there's anything wrong with that" ascends to pop-culture permanency after a practical joke played by Elaine causes a college newspaper reporter to mistake George and Jerry as lovers.

 167. "The Finale" (Season 9). Is the final episode of Seinfeld really that bad? They get what they deserve! It's a long time coming! Symbolically, it's perfect! But upon rewatching, you realize that, yeah, it is that bad. Not even the minor revelation that George cheated during "The Contest" can save what is an uninspired parade of guest stars and forgotten characters. The final scene's callback to Seinfeld's first episode is a cute touch, but it's not enough to save "The Finale"'s reputation as one of Seinfeld's lowest points.

 Enjoy the rest of the list HERE.

Goodbye Youth - David Letterman Is Off the Air

Head in my hands.  Eyes fixated on the screen.  Bedtime come and gone.  I'm 11 years old and Letterman is on.  No rushing me to bed tonight as my whole family's eyes are glued to the screen.

I wasn't raised in a stern household, but homework and bedtime were staple rules that were rarely broken.  You did your school work and you got to bed at a reasonable hour.  But 11:35pm tended to be a special moment on the clock.  I was raised in a Letterman household.  Parents born of the Johnny Carson era, there wasn't even an option.  Not even an idea that the remote would make it's way over to that Leno character.  My mother the writer admired Dave's self deprecating spirit.  My father the actor squinted with glee when Dave would ask the fateful question, "will it float?"

There's no truely putting into words what the career of David Letterman has meant to my family.  Some families gathered to watch "Homicide," (my best friends family).  Another childhood friend's household stopped when "Wheel of Fortune" was on.  Letterman brought us together, and those childhood nights staying up into the wee hours will not soon be forgotten.

So without further ado, the key moments in David Letterman's final show...
 


The final, star studded Top Ten - "Top Ten Things I've Always Wanted to Say to Dave"
 


We also can't talk about last night without tipping our hat to Conan O'Brien's touching tribute to the late night king.  O'Brien, who's show starts at 11pmPST, urged viewers to tune in to Letterman at 11:35pmPST in order to properly send off the man he said saved his career.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Jawbone Uses Sleep Data to Gauge Wake-Ups From Napa Earthquake | Re/code

As a Jawbone UP24 user, this is pretty damn cool to see in action.  Granted, I stopped wearing my UP24 band recently because of the, ahem, smell, but that's a conversation for a different time.  re/code brought this very cool stat to life, showing how the recent earthquake in Napa awoke the masses:

Jawbone Uses Sleep Data to Gauge Wake-Ups From Napa Earthquake | Re/code:





'via Blog this'

Saw This Coming - Roku Builds it's OS Into TV Sets

In a move that surprised nobody, Roku has announced that they will build their streaming services into TCL and Haisense televisions. I've been calling this for years, as we can presume just about everyone in the media-tech game have. This really only precedes Apple TV becoming a real TV. In any case, full story via the LATimes here.

Xbox One vs. PS4 - Put Down Your Quiddich Sticks, or Whatever

Because not all of us are cool enough or sleeping with powerful enough people to get into either of the presentation halls at E3, I bring you the two most important gamer moments of the last year. The Verge was kind enough to edit down both Microsoft's Xbox One and Sony's Playstation 4 presentations into palatable clips. If anything, you can hear the sound of Steve Ballmer's heart hit the ground with a thud when Sony announces they've undercut Xbox One by $100.

Nike's Phil Knight On How He Became A Believer in Advertising

This as an awesome, candid interview with Nike Founder and Chairman Emeritus Phil Knight. Touching on all things from the origins of the famed shoe brand, into dealing with athlete controversy (re: Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong), Knight gives a really interesting perspective on his personal and professional relationship with Dan Wieden, and the ad business in general.

via Co.Exist:
 
Managing water resources in a rapidly-growing city can be problematic. Floods give much-needed water, but too much rain at one time can overwhelm a system. Meanwhile, droughts leave people with no water at all, and keeping water clean is always an issue. In Mexico City, poor management threatens to leave 22 million people without water in the near future. Leaky pipes alone account for a 40% loss of water that is pumped from nearby mountains. Already, more than a third of households lack adequate access to water.

 Isla Urbana is trying to change this with inexpensive, sustainable rainwater harvesting systems. The project was conceived while two Mexican-American students, Enrique Lomnitz and Renata Fenton, were studying industrial design at the Rhode Island School of Design. “We repeatedly encountered the subject of water scarcity and became inspired to design rainwater harvesting systems for these communities,” says Lomnitz.

 They began physically installing systems in 2009, in the Ajusco Medio region of Mexico City, “because we met people there who were very interested in the system, and because the region combines extraordinary rainfall with chronic and widespread water shortages, making it ideal for rainwater harvesting,” says Lomnitz. Rainwater harvesting is pretty simple: the system captures water off the roof of a building. Then the water passes through a bypass that diverts the first rains of the season through a large first flush that separates the first 100 to 200 liters of rain from each storm. Only the later, cleaner waters of a rain event go into the cistern, says Lomnitz. The water generally gets stored in the building’s existing cistern, though sometimes a plastic tank is installed when a cistern is not available. The water is chlorinated, and goes through a sediments filter and an active carbon filter.

 Isla Urbana uses materials from local stores and trains local personnel to construct and install the systems--giving work as well as a way to gather and store water. The cost for each system is only about $350. Isla Urbana is a joint project between an NGO, theInternational Renewable Resources Institute and a small business called Solución Pluvial. Development and sale of rainwater harvesting systems is done by the business, and education, training, and subsidy models are done by the NGO. Isla Urbana’s rainwater harvesting is meant to complement the conventional water supply, not replace it “The water is then clean enough for all domestic uses, though we generally do not recommend it for direct drinking, unless additional filters are installed,” says Lomnitz.

In a drought, families can rely more on the conventional system, while during a wet year, the rain will displace more conventional water, he says. If rainwater harvesting were properly implemented throughout the city, Isla Urbana says that it could provide 50% of the city’s water supply. So far, the organization has harvested 29,300,000 liters of rainwater and installed 725 systems. In the future it hopes to develop better and more accessible systems that provide increasingly high quality and low maintenance water, something that will help everyone have a better life.

Amazing Brace for Rooney On The Weekend

In a game where Manchester United never looked unsettled, Wayne Rooney had a typical striker's game with a poacher's finish and an un-saveable penalty against West Bromwich Albion:

'Kony 2012' by Invisible Children

Easily the most important 30 minutes of content you'll watch all year.

KONY 2012 is a film and campaign by Invisible Children that aims to make Joseph Kony famous, not to celebrate him, but to raise support for his arrest and set a precedent for international justice.

HOW TO HELP:
Donate to Invisible Children: causes.com/donatekony2012 
Purchase KONY 2012 products: invisiblechildrenstore.myshopify.com/ 
Sign the Pledge: causes.com/konypledge


KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

Mario Balotelli Went To A Strip Club Because He Can

Mario Balotelli was caught at a Liverpool strip club early last Friday morning ahead of Man City's home match against Bolton on Saturday. And though Balotelli started and scored a goal in the 2-0 win for his side, he was still reportedly fined £250,000 for breaking the club's curfew policy.

Mario now realizes that he made a mistake that night, but more because he would've been angry if his girlfriend went to a strip club than because he violated curfew.

From the Players Association:
"I didn't do anything wrong at the [strip] club," he told Gazzetta dello Sport. "But I understand that if she [his girlfriend Raffaella Fico] had gone with her friends to a strip club, I would have been very angry. "If you love a woman, you can avoid causing that pain. That was my first mistake. The second was to go two days before a game." On whether he has received a £250,000 fine by City for breaking the curfew, Balotelli said: "I still don't know. I must talk with [the manager Roberto] Mancini."

So, to clarify, the fact that Raffaella Fico was one of former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi's "bunga bunga girls" and that she reportedly tried to auction off her virginity for €1 million doesn't seem all that upsetting to Balotelli (or Fico for that matter), but going to a strip club with friends is something to get very angry about.

Full story:
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/soccer-dirty-tackle/mario-balotelli-sorry-breaking-man-city-curfew-mostly-170144843.html

Greatest Day Ever - 'Game of Thrones' Season Two Teaser

Apple looking to launch Siri-powered TV by 2013

We knew this was coming.  Via GigaOm:

The Apple television is the latest, hottest subject of the rumor mill that surrounds the company. On Thursday, the New York Times‘ Nick Bilton published a lengthy report related to the still-unconfirmed product, revealing many details sourced from Apple employees and others close to the company who spoke to him on the condition of anonymity. Bilton says Siri is the key to Jobs’ feeling that he finally “cracked it,” as Walter Isaacson’s biography quotes him saying. What he cracked was a streamlining of the interface so that control is intuitive and simple. Thanks to Siri, Bilton says, you could now just talk to your TV set, and it would respond to your commands. Other new details include plans dating back as early as 2007, after Apple had released the original Apple TV, to make a complete set. The product has since been definitely in the works at Apple, its development spurred on by the fact that “Steve thinks to the industry is totally broken,” according to one of Bilton’s source. In the Isaacson biography, it’s revealed that many other successful Apple products, including the iPod and the iPhone, were created based on the same sense on the part of Jobs that what was already out there was sub-par. As to when this might arrive, Bilton says it is “close enough” now that it might be announced as early as late 2012, with a 2013 release date in terms of actually getting the product in the hands of consumers. The hold-up is mainly about waiting until the cost of large display components falls far enough to make it possible for Apple to offer the TV at a competitive price point. Making the product thin and light is also another development hurdle facing its release, according to the report. Many pundits have proclaimed an Apple television a bad idea, but it’s a chorus we’ve heard many times before; the iPod, iPhone and iPad all had very vocal detractors, with plenty ofnegative reaction even after the product was actually unveiled. Also, as John Gruber points out, commenting on the release of the Bloomberg TV 24-hour live video app, “Apps are the new channels.” If Apple can get more content providers to produce similar content-delivery solutions for its iOS devices, it’ll have much bait with which to lure potential Apple television customers whenever that product does make it to market.

Nike Ad: 'Basketball Never Stops'

Nike has told the NBA lockout to suck it, via an awesome ad they've put together combining hoop heroes at both the professional and collegiate level [Ed's note: no money was paid to any college athletes.  Just covering my ass here].  Just because the millionaires aren't getting their Maserati insurance covered right now, the game doesn't stop:

YouTube Announces Channel Strategy

Yes this is days old, but it was Halloween weekend, so simmer down.  As expected, YouTube finally announced a series of category focused channels, making it look even more like a MSO.  What's interesting is that they sold off the individual channels to different content providers, and a close source to me from Digital Broadcasting Group (owner of the 'Spaces' channel), told me that it was insanely competitive to get a slot.

Here's what AdWeek said about it all:

After months of speculation with almost no official confirmation, YouTube has finally announced its long-awaited channel strategy in a post to the company’s blog late Friday evening. The announcement falls in line with what had previously been reported in the press: namely that YouTube will be expanding its lineup of channels to include new offerings from a variety of partners, including well-known personalities and brands in the Hollywood, music, news, and sports worlds. “These channels will have something for everyone, whether you’re a mom, a comedy fan, a sports nut, a music lover or a pop-culture maven,” YouTube’s global head of content partnershipsRobert Kyncl said in the post. Under the new system, content creators—like Vice Media or the video game lifestyle network Machinima, for example—will have a dedicated channel on the site that they will control, continually updating it with video content. YouTube, for its part, will sell ads against that video inventory. YouTube is seeking to organize its site much in the way a cable provider organizes linear TV channels—a fact that Kyncl acknowledged in his post today. “Cable television expanded our viewing possibilities from just a handful of channels to hundreds, and brought us some of the most defining media experiences of the last few decades—think MTV, ESPN, and HBO,” Kyncl wrote. “Today, the Web is bringing us entertainment from an even wider range of talented producers, and many of the defining channels of the next are being born, and watched, on YouTube. “ The channel announcement comes on the heels of a number of other content initiatives from YouTube in recent months, such as its Partner Grant program—announced in July—which sets aside a total of $5 million in creative grants for qualifying video makers to improve their video content. The efforts are aimed at coaxing viewers into engaging with YouTube as they engage with television, spending much more time watching a wider, more compelling array of video content. As YouTube chief Salar Kamangar wrote last May in a blog post entitled "Welcome to the future of video. Please stay a while," "You’re spending just 15 minutes a day on YouTube, and spending five hours a day watching TV. As the lines between online and offline continue to blur, we think that’s going to change."

I Finally Played Angry Birds

After all the chaos and cult like activity around Angry Birds, I finally get it.  It's outrageously stupid and simple, but addicting as hell.  I'm playing it on the Chrome App, amazing.

The Rumors Are True; MC Hammer Is a Start-Up Guy

I had heard this before when a close friend from a targeting company said, "Hammer was at our launch party for our app."  I of course thought he meant they were playing "Ice Ice Baby" on repeat.  Little did I realize that the parachute pants man himself was at their PingMe launch party.

So then I read last week that Hammer is launching a search engine, that oddly enough cannot be found in Google search (check that metadata Hammer). [EDS note I finally just found it after days of searching]  Hammer, born Stanley Kirk Burrell, is challenging the Mountain View Googlers with his new project Wiredoo. Currently in beta and accepting private users, Wiredoo will act as a “deep search” or “relationship” engine. Rather than just return “the 10 blue links” of keyword-based results, he explained in an interview with Web 2.0 summit co-producer O’Reilly Media, WireDoo will also display more tangential data culled from Web indices, public data, and social media. A Zip Code search might net local school statistics and home prices, for example.

As per the question with any search related offering, do we care?  Don't the leaders in the space have it down pretty good?  If anyone can tell me the last time a general search query turned up really blank and useless, you get a small token from the Rants laire.

hopefully they are ready by the time Hammer's series C runs out

Virality Done Right by EVB

Evolution Bureau in San Francisco has set the bar high again with a hilarious series of one minute videos for "Pet's Add Life," a campaign for the American Pet Products Association.

Calling The Digital Ad Industry; Let's Start Taking Banners Off Web Pages

Now, before everyone who works for an ad exchange, banner ad network, RTB or yield optimization firm flips their shit and calls me susie, just hear me out.  I want to make a case for removing advertising from our sites, and I'm a seller, so in theory I want that space.

First, for this entire rant, let's immediate remove the following ad products from the conversation because they are separate; pull downs, peel backs, expandable home page units, page skins, takeovers, etc.  What I'm talking about is your everyday standard IAB banners.

Let's just say we wanted to start driving up the value of ad inventory again (gasp, why would we want that).  I don't think anyone would argue that there is more banner space available than the market is demanding.  Fair to say, you can go to any major website, navigate 15 pages in and there are still leaderboards and skyscrapers everywhere.  Now, those useless placements are selling for pennies on ad exchanges and optimizers are crunching every penny in real time bidding environments to very slightly outbid someone else's minute spend threshold.  I'm making the case that if we move back to a model where we minimalized overall ad frequency and touch points in banners, we on the publishing side would maintain higher quality of advertiser and higher pricepoint.  Adversely, advertisers now avoid ad clutter and actually get their message across.  Lastly, consumers don't suffer from advertising overload and they actually respond to messaging like they did in the good old days.  Keep the level of targeting up but reduce ad clutter, I think you see better performance.

My focus is in video, and I have strong concerns about the commodization of long tail video.  There is no doubt that premium video inventory (I'm talking pre-roll only) will always command a high pricepoint.  It's a unique one on one interaction.  But the price is being driven down by exchanges drudging up video inventory and shipping it off for pennies, yet the value of the placement remains high.  Yes there was another subtle point in there; price and value are two different things.

On an aside, can someone tell me if ad exchanges are actually making money?  How many ways can you slice up a penny?

Nike Soccer Commercial's Are Like Michael Bay Movies

Slow motion camera work, bumping bass, Wayne Rooney voice over.  Wow.  Production value is high.